analovesrugby (analovesrugby) wrote in dietingisdeath,

The other day when my mom told me I just needed to restrict more? I guess she was just testing me. See, these past few weeks I've felt like she was calling me a heifer. This morning when I was getting ready I was wearing a tanktop and jeans, and she said "How about you wear something that covers up more?" I looked at her funny and asked her why, and she asked if I'd lost any weight. Then she went and got her tanktops and were suggesting them for me to wear. I went in my room and shut the door and just cried. I hate it when she sits there saying shit about me. I asked her later why she said that and she said "well what am I supposed to say, 'Gee you're looking kinda skinny?'" I just walked away while she said it. I didn't know how to come back to that.

Now that I think about it, we used to be about the same size (ouch, wearing the same size as my 50 year old mom), and when she tried to get me to try on her tanktop, maybe she was trying to make sure I had actually lost weight and it wasn't her imagination. I feel like she's been lying to me. She's been saying all of this shit to make me feel like the lowest creature on the planet, and it's b/c I've been losing weight. Heh, my boyfriend doesn't seem to mind at all. He used to tell me I didn't need to lose weight when I was a size 8, but now as I fit into a size 3 he's a lot more affectionate, and finds me more attractive. I wore my old track shorts the other day and he couldn't keep his eyes off of me. I don't know if he knows that something is going on or what.

Even though, I can't wait until he gets his new apartment. I told him that as soon as he got it I was moving in b/c I don't want to be here anymore. Sad, huh? I've lived here for less than a week since I moved out of the dorms, and I'm already found out and hating myself. It just pisses me off b/c my mom isn't straight forward with me. She sits here and asks me if my boyfriend and I have showered together to "save water" and if we hadn't we should try it! Ok you can't get much more open than that...But she can't say something, she has to worsen it by trying to use reverse psychology, and making me feel like a cow, making me eat less.

Heh, I accidentally blabbed the amount of weight that I've lost to my boyfriend this morning when I was crying about what my mom said about my weight and how she said I should cover myself up more...we'll see where this goes from here..he hates the fact that she's always been hard on me, no matter what I do. So, at least if he finds out, I can blame it on her influences and verbal jabs, and he'll understand and not think that I'm psycho.

I have so much shit to do tomorrow so I gotta go to bed...I'll keep you guys posted on my little situation =[

B/t/w I have an excellent picture of my ribs and hip bones, but I don't know what happened to the cord to upload them.
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