analovesrugby (analovesrugby) wrote in dietingisdeath,

After a long absence (since August..) I am back again..

I love certain portions of my life, I'm in school and I'm getting >100% in my EMT class, and 99.5% in my nursing class. I think I'm cute, but it doesn't change the fact that I hate hate hate my body. I feel like I've been binging the past few months, even though I'm still 120. I still don't eat as much as I should for someone my age, but I'm "recovered". I feel myself slipping back into the dark void that is ana. I turn to you guys once again--you are the only ones who understand. I don't do this voluntarily, despite the fact I know some do, and think I do. I try to force myself to eat, but all I see on my plate is a fat ass. All I see in the mirror is a fat ass. I can't do this anymore. I'm back, whether I want to be or not. Part of me wants to go into a recovery program, but I just can't do it. I can't admit that there's anything wrong, although I know there is.

Welcome back, ana.
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